The comedian took to his Facebook page
yesterday to dish out relationship advice to
women. Find it below..
Sometime back, in March, I was advising a
babe on how to make a man stay. Some
comments posted in reply to my status
were that men are only controlled by their
third legs, money, yansh, boobs, beauty
and ego. I tried to highlight a very serious
point that babes were missing.
And that is, everyman wants better. We
do not want to feel the one we let go was
better.
Not too long ago, I read some wild and
wide criticism that greeted what Stella
Damasus wrote about keeping a man. To
some, wrong as they were, Stella had no
business telling anyone how to keep a
man. I believe she does. I actually think
she knows more than she revealed.
Growing up in Ojo Cantonment, my Dad and I
were walking back from his friend from a
Soldier in the Education Corp of the Nigerian
Army, from Gongola state who had been made
a Major. Just as we took a turn, from the
officers' mess, a naked mad man was running
towards us from the opposite direction,
shouting Mad Man... Mad man... To my
surprise, My Dad, who was a military man, told
us to run for cover. So he dragged me behind
a kerosine tank, pushed me to the ground and
kept looking to see what the mad man was
running from. Meanwhile, Some two Fulani
men who used to come into the barracks
regularly to read palms of anyone who yielded
their hands to them, had been walking behind
us, before we took cover. They kept walking.
I nearly laughed when I saw them make a
Uturn, and took off after the mad man that
had run pass us, it now looked like they were
chasing the mad man that was shouting
"Maaaaaad man!"
On the heels of the Fulani palm readers was
another mad man, brandishing a UTC cutlass .
Not Machete. Cutlass. The type used in felling
trees. That type that reminded one of Prince
Nico Nbaga's bell bottom trousers back then.
He was swinging the weapon of death as he
pursued... It became obvious to us from where
we were crouched that the madman had no
one in mind as a target. He was after anyone
he could lay his eyes on. Because, soon as the
Fulani men, vanished at the end of the Block,
he gave up on that chase and followed one
Man selling Festac 77 sleeveless Adire. Mr Adire
seller was actually laughing at the way the
Fulani men took to their heels. So, this time I
had to laugh when I saw how the amusement
on his face changed into fright. He took off and
jumped across the gutter by Palmy Bus stop.
He continued running even after the machete
carrying mad man hand found new targets.
Sorry I digressed. Hope you are still with me.
My Dad later told me a proverb in URHOBO,
"AVUE ODIERO, NE EKI VHENRHEE!" Which
means you do not need to tell a deaf man that
there is chaos and uncontrollable commotion in
the market. He can see. That's all he needs.
Back to Stella DAMASUs' write up. We are not
all perfect. That said, when a Musician writes a
love song, do you stop listening to the love
song or letting the lyrics connect to your
relationship because the singer has divorced 8
times or has not been able to hold a
relationship longer than 3 months? I don't
think so. I think STELLA did well. If you like go
call police.
Back to the HASHTAG I talked about earlier,
#WhatMadeYourGuyLeaveYou .Many ladies
missed the point as they always often do. They
were talking about how men are polygamous in
nature, Cheats, irresponsible, not ready for
commitment, gigolos, lack ambition, lack self
control, think with their third legs... BLA BLA
BLA.
I need to mention at this time, that i was at
that time preparing to talk to young ladies who
were looking to settle down and finding the
right guy. And to tell you the truth, a lot of the
ladies missed the whole point by a mile or 2.
They need to read STELLA DAMASUS' piece.
It's easy for a lady to say, a guy was not
serious that's why the relationship broke up.
Or to say, he used her and dumped her for
another lady. Fine. That is what they think
made the guy leave. But to be honest, was that
all there was to it?
I would like you to know that, that is not
entirely the truth. A guy would always weigh
his options. He would want to know if he is
getting the best. Or if he can see the best
coming soon.
ABEG OOO
Before a lot of ladies eat me raw, let me
explain. I do agree that it's a two way street,
but I can only speak for the WAY I HAVE BEEN
ON. I AM AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME. I KNOW
AND HAVE KNOWN ONLY WOMEN.
Have you as a babe listed some CORE 10 things
that you think you have that will make a guy
not want to leave you? Do you also have some
other unique things that a guy will not get
anywhere else? Ok, lets agree he likes your
breast, your bum bum and your soft body.
What has any of those got to do with respect,
the tone with which you talk to him, showing
you are happy to be the one he chose,
supporting his dreams... Does he like blowjobs?
Do you give him same? Does he like talking? Do
you listen? Some girls are funny, they will
admit to knowing that the other girl bests them
in several departments, yet still say, they don't
know why he moved on to her. Really???
There several things that makes a man make
up his mind that it is you or otherwise. DONT
get it twisted... If he finds out that someone
has 15 CORE things that you have only 3 of
and even the 3 are sometimes canceled out by
the bad things like nagging, pride, greed...that
have formed your character. Your own don set.
You are sitting there comparing yourself to
someone who has 13 things, more than you
and is willing to tolerate his weaknesses and
learn more. Yet you are quick to say, you don't
know what he sees in "that girl". Hey girlfriend,
your beauty stands no where near the
towering personality and good heart "that girl"
has. Better recognize.
I know I have stepped on that last nerve you
have been tolerating me with. OYA delete me.
I even need space to add people who tolerate
and think like I do.
I rest my case.
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